![]() ![]() This also allows you to tune into how your partner is feeling, learn what turns them on and how you can increase their pleasure. It is also important to go slow, especially at first, and check in often with your playmate to make sure everything is okay. What is important is that you establish boundaries early on in the relationship and stop when either of you feels uncomfortable. Of course, some things that top your kinky bucket list are going to be no-go zone, off-limit activities for your partner. In cases where a partner is gaged, other non-verbal cues can be used such as a safe drop: like dropping a set of keys, or using a dog clicker, hand signals, and other signs. Sometimes this will end the scene, or, more often, players will switch to another activity. When a person says “Red”, play must be stopped immediately, and it is important to check in with the person to see if everything is okay. Often, players will use the stop light method: Green for Go, Yellow for Slow Down or Check In, and Red for Stop. They do this usually by using a Safe Word.Ī safe word can be any word that stops all activities during a BDSM scene. Either partner can decide to stop play at any time if they feel it is crossing their limits, becoming unsafe, or for any other reason. Once you have your list of kinky things you want to try and your limits established, the boundaries for play are set… But, not in stone. Here is an example of a BDSM checklist ( MSWord Doc or Printable PDF) you can download and fill out for free courtesy of Loveology University. While it is not necessary to have a written contract (although many BDSM Kinksters do create a “Slave Contract”), a BDSM Checklist can inspire you to add different elements to your play you may not have thought about, as well as learn about activities you may want to avoid. To consent, partners negotiate what activities are permitted and which activities are hard limits. However, these types of “edge-play” activities do take place in private settings, and everyone involved knows the risks. Also, there are many activities that are off-limits including blood play, scat, asphyxiation, and sometimes even sex. Therefore, at most BDSM play groups doing drugs or drinking alcohol is not permitted, as you can’t really consent when you are under the influence.
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